Giving Thanks

Last night was awful. I was in pain for two hours, acid reflux and stomach sensations kept me awake till 3am, and I threw up undigested pieces of my lunch. I felt hopeless, depressed, and lonely.
      “This can’t keep happening.”

      “I can’t take much more of this.”

      “Will I make it to the end of the semester?”

      “Will I be able to come back next spring?”

 I woke up feeling rejuvenated and hopeful. It’s Thanksgiving Day, and corny as it might sound, there is so much I have to be thankful for:

1) A family who loves me unconditionally, and sympathizes with what I’m going through

Gastroparesis makes it difficult to have a life. One minute I’m fine, and the next I’m nauseated, vomiting, refluxing, and crying. Flare-ups are terrifying, and they're lonely.

 

I am so blessed to have parents who hug me instead of finding me disgusting.  Parents who read books about my disease and help me find good doctors. Seeing me sick all the time has got to be a huge burden on them, but my parents smile and tell me that they're there for me. Their loves means everything--I couldn’t function without my mom’s support and encouragement.  

2) I am in school, and about to finish another semester of college

Before my doctor put me on domperidone, I couldn’t do anything. My brain was in a constant fog, my stomach in a constant, writhing knot, and it was all I could do to get out of bed. Being back in school and being able to live like a normal college student feels amazing. There have been a lot of rough patches, but I have made many great memories over the past few months, and I’ve come a step further in my education. I’m proud of myself.

3) I can still eat and enjoy food

To the average person, my diet looks ridiculous. I eat like a baby.

What people don’t understand is that some patients with gastroparesis can’t eat at all—there are patients with feeding tubes, patients getting surgery, patients who can’t even tolerate the minimal amount of saliva a person swallows each day. I’ve only had a taste of what these people experience—I’ve only had short weeks of time where I couldn’t keep anything down. These kinds of weeks taught me to appreciate the foods that I can tolerate. Purees, soups, and smoothies can have awesome flavor profiles, and I’m lucky to be able to enjoy them without getting sick afterwards.

Today for Thanksgiving I made chicken soup, sweet potato puree, and blueberry-cranberry jello. It was terrific, and I feel great. 

I'm so thankful.